I’m performing tomorrow and Thursday. I’m nervous. I’m singing. My voice makes me feel so shitty because it is quite high up. All but one of my performances tomorrow involves singing. Two of the five sets on Thursday involve singing. I love singing. But my voice being so high and girly really upsets me.
I’ve started trying to take ownership of my voice. “I mean, it’s pretty cool that I’m a countertenor, amirite?” I tell myself stuff like that and “well, how many boys do you know who can sing as high as you?” But it still makes me feel sad.
In my grade exams (I do musica theatre) I always end up singing mostly girl songs because I can’t physically sing the guy stuff.
It’s just annoying that I have to wait so long for testosterone. I just want to cry quite a lot because I’m being left behind by all my peers. I am now the only boy in my year at school who’s voice hasn’t broken. It makes me stand out and makes me an easy target.
It probably doesn’t help that my subjects are quite performance based (music performing and musical theatre being two of my subjects).
I don’t know how much longer I can do this.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love singing. But I’m not sure if I can cope much more.