Performing when trans

I’m performing tomorrow and Thursday. I’m nervous. I’m singing. My voice makes me feel so shitty because it is quite high up. All but one of my performances tomorrow involves singing. Two of the five sets on Thursday involve singing. I love singing. But my voice being so high and girly really upsets me.
I’ve started trying to take ownership of my voice. “I mean, it’s pretty cool that I’m a countertenor, amirite?” I tell myself stuff like that and “well, how many boys do you know who can sing as high as you?” But it still makes me feel sad.
In my grade exams (I do musica theatre) I always end up singing mostly girl songs because I can’t physically sing the guy stuff.
It’s just annoying that I have to wait so long for testosterone. I just want to cry quite a lot because I’m being left behind by all my peers. I am now the only boy in my year at school who’s voice hasn’t broken. It makes me stand out and makes me an easy target.

It probably doesn’t help that my subjects are quite performance based (music performing and musical theatre being two of my subjects).

I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love singing. But I’m not sure if I can cope much more.

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2 thoughts on “Performing when trans

  1. You may want to look at the blog “a gentleman and a scholar” – they are a trans musician in London and writes a great blog, including writing about their music and voice (not on T due to voice).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m pretty sure that your performance today was totally amazeballs. Like, “hopy shit, who was that amazing guy that just sang there?!? Ermigawd, he’s awesome,” type amazeballs! Like, “what the fuck kind of God sent amazingness is this,” type amazeballs. Like fucking ” whoah, that guy’s voice just made me eargasm,” type amazeballs. That kind of amazeballs.

    Liked by 1 person

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